Thursday, May 22, 2008

Heaven's Call Centre

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:-

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English, press 1
For Spanish, press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:-
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:-
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.
Tags: Heaven, Call Centre, Funny, Humour, Voice Mail

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4 Comments:

Blogger Ted said...

That's a good one Johnny. Heheh, thanks for dropping by as well.

22 May, 2008 12:48  
Blogger Hazel said...

haha, good jokes, thanks

22 May, 2008 12:56  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah....Johnny...my man. It's the most sickening social virus in town today. The way I see it, it needs a cocky/corky fella like me to slam them straight in their faces...ears..I mean... What I'll do is when I get to hear 'something human', ...hello...is it a human I'm speaking to? The other party will say....Yes...sir...Then I'll ask...How come you sound like a recorded voice? The system can even record a human 'human' voice ah? You know or not, I spent more than 20 mins trying to speak to a human and I nearly wanted to accept the fact that no humans work here. Then she will say.....Got...got...I'm human ma..Good! I said...I 've finally found a human to leggo my frustrations to. Wham! Bang! Slam!...taruh the bugger nicely la...apa lagi....Actually, it's so bloody sickening trying to get to speak to somebody and you end up wasting time and of course...credit...waiting n waiting...press here...press there...damn....Nothing beats a sweet young voice at the other side saying.....Helloooooo...is it me you're looking for? This is Pretty Young Thing here, how may I help you this morning....leng chai.... Figure this out...you might be smiling even if you are the Hunchback of notre Dame......but then I'm Leng Chai ma....

22 May, 2008 17:28  
Blogger Johnny Ong said...

hahaha thanks for sharing yr previous experience

26 May, 2008 01:11  

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