Show and Tell

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for “Show & Tell” and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?

“I brought a Walkman.”
“And what is it for?”
“You can listen to music with it!”
“That’s nice Wendy. What did you bring, Kenny?”
“I brought a ‘letrical can opener, it opens cans!”
“Well done, Kenny.”
“Umm, Johnny, I see u didn’t bring anything!”
“Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”

So the entire class goes to the hallway.
“Umm, Johnny, what is that?”
“It’s a heart/lung machine hospital use to keep your heart going.”
“Whoaa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”
“He said,’AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!’”.
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Johnny, Electrical Appliance

Male vs. Female at ATM Machine

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE: Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

I almost fell off my office chair upon seeing no. 27 ......... hehehe
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Bank, ATM, Pin Number, Drive Thru

Awaiting Power Cable

Yeah.....still awaiting for the power cable. Logging in via another laptop where you won't believe the state of this laptop. Almost considered a scrap if I may call it that way. The screen's almost coming off, held on by just 4 screws only...... unbelievable but could still be used lah to post this at least.... hehe. And the best part, the sole USB port was not working, now how am I supposed to connect it to my external hard disk..........

Could be getting the new power cable by today/tomorrow ..... enjoyed my weekend with an Saturday afternoon meeting at church to discuss on the Christmas Dinner (to be held in church premise) and a Christmas Carnival (held elsewhere). More info on this soon.

At the same time, I'm working on the Christmas Drama 2007's script. Hopefully can finalise this by this week and get the whole drama cast members in order and start rehearsing their roles from then on. All blog readers are most welcome to see the drama which would be a 4 part series being acted out on 4 Sundays in December 2007.

Went for a wedding dinner at Holiday Inn, Glenmarie yesterday night. Known this guy for almost 20 years and a gang of us (some knew him for coming 30 years). All the best to him and his wife. His dad told us "he's way behind you guys".
Tags: Christmas Drama, Christmas, Christmas Carnival, Christmas Dinner, Church, Wedding Dinner, Holiday Inn, Glenmarie

Uncle Sam and Osama

Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world.

Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever.

When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole.

Osama said, “We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves."

Uncle Sam said, “That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Uncle Sam, Osama, Doberman, Dachshund, Dog Fight

Major Disaster

Firstly, diarrhoea struck right on early Thursday morning (close to 7am). Well, I didn't visit the toilet numerous times from 7am to 8am (latest time I need to leave house in order to reach office on time). Actually I stayed in the toilet from 7am to 8am. No chance to leave the toilet at all.

By the time I came out, I was so weak and the radar directed me straight to my bed again. Lied down there for maybe 20 minutes and the alarm bell rang again.............. oh man.....what a way to start my day. What did I eat the night before? What did I do?

I remembered me going for my first gym experience on Wednesday night (yeah, never joined a gym before). FYI, I have joined Impressive Fitness (5 mins walk from my condo). Passed my fitness test and went through 1 full round of the circuit trying out all the machines. Set my weights for each equipment with a trainer so that I know how much I should go for in my next visit.

Went home and ate some food (not home cooked) at home. After thinking back, definitely it was not the gym but the food that I ate. It was common food like rendang chicken, sambal prawn, some fried meehoon and got some home-cooked soup (proper one). Next thing I knew on Thursday morning was toilet visitation.

Then tried to log on to the internet at home. As the battery was waning out, I plug in the power cable. Didn't realise power was not connected properly and a warning window splased across my screen. HUUUUUUUUUUH???

No power supply? What happened? True enough, the power cable/adaptor has gone kaput. Before I can do anything further, might as well keep all. Went out to get some light breakfast at about 10am. Thought everything was over untiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil - good thing my toilet is clean. Visiting it was not a problem.

Well each toilet visit was greeted with stomach cramp (so I thought) until the doctor (paid a visit later) said it was the intestines that could not take the food poisoning effect any longer. Couldn't even sit up straight at times when the pain hits me during the toilet visits.

By afternoon, everything has cleared, no more food intake mean no output ...... yeah, will keep it that way. Only fluid. But I could hear a big typhoon storm in my stomach. You could have hear it if you were beside me.

Rested well in the afternoon after a strainous day. By evening, the storm had calmed down but with infrequent warning given out by the stomach.

By this morning, seems ok but looks like having an urge to visit only........ hehehe. Only get to post this while in office as I borrowed a power adaptor from another colleague while waiting for the IT Dept to get a new one for me. Hopefully by this evening otherwise will be boring weekend at home without the chance to blog.

Ahhhhhhhh, can go to gym if no power adaptor but I can't be in the gym the whole day then.
Tags: Journal, Life, Diarrhoea, Food Poisoning, Power Adaptor, Gym, Impressive Fitness, Health

Court Order Was Required to Kill a Bull

A bull, considered as sacred by a Hindu community, was ordered by London's Court of Appeal to be slaughtered. What caused a court to issue an order in order for a bull to be slaughtered?

The members of the Skanda Vale's Welsh Hindu temple's has vowed to save the bull's life with their own. I knew that cows/bulls are considered deities in India but quite surprised that the Hindu community in Wales itself was that pious too. An online petition has gathered about 10,000 signatures in a campaign to save Shambo.

The main reason for the sacred bull to be slaughtered was because the bull was tested positive with bovine tuberculosis. The Court of Appeal found it logical and justified to slaughtered due to health reason. But the temple worshippers are not giving up just yet. It seems that an appeal would be submitted to the highest court, the House of Lords, for a final verdict.

The Hindu Forum of Britain said slaughtering Shambo would be a "very gross affront to Hindus' beliefs". It's going to be a long legal process, it has gone through the Welsh Assembly, Cardiff's High Court and the London's Court of Appeal..... but if such situation was to happen in Malaysia, I really wonder how the case would have been handled ....
Tags: Sacred Bull, Court of Appeal, Shambo, Hindu, Wales, Bovine Tuberculosis, Hindu Forum of Britain, House of Lords, Welsh Assembly

Ditch Those Old Wineskins!

New wine must be put into new wineskins. (Matthew 9:17)

In Bible times animal skins were cured and made into wine containers. At first they were flexible and easy to work with, but over time they grew rigid and lost their ability to expand. That's why Jesus said, "No one pours new wine into old wineskins. [It] would .. burst the old skins ... [and] the wine would be lost ... New wine must be put into new wineskins." Likewise, God can't put fresh ideas into rigid or 'dead' minds, or change your situation till you're ready to change your thinking. God's Word says: "Don't keep going over old history ... I'm about to do something brand-new." (Isaiah 43:18-19). So if you're asking Him to enlarge your vision, you must first need to make room in your mind for it. Isaiah said, "Clear lots of ground .. Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big" (Isaiah 54:2).

Remember, dreams always come a size too big so you can grow into them, so don't settle for mediocrity in your work, your relationships and your walk with God. Mark Twain said, "Twenty years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the wind. Explore. Dream. Discover." Maybe you come from a background of addiction, poverty, depression, abuse and low self-esteem. Well, God can enable you to rise up and put an end to that old mindset of defeat. He's ready to fill you with "new wine," but first you need to ditch those old wineskins!
Tags: Dreams, Explore, Discover, Inspiration, Wineskin