Glad that you are having only a dot matrix printer now?
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Printer
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Lawyers
Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too! He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Tags: Jokes, Funny,Humour, Lawyer, Judge, Court, Trial
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too! He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Tags: Jokes, Funny,Humour, Lawyer, Judge, Court, Trial
Gambling in Senegal Consulate
Singapore police raided the Republic of Senegal 's consulate on Friday evening. The police action arose from a tip-off by The Straits Times, which had been alerted to the nocturnal activities taking place. Investigations by the ST showed that, while the consulate is open for official business during the day to deal with visa and other consular issues, it is filled from evening to dawn with about 100 gamblers, who crowd round its three baccarat tables.
Gamblers are mainly chinese in their 40s and 50s and about a S$1million (US$602,000) worth of chips changes hands every night, with the minimum bet per game set at S$100 and the maximum at S$30,000. The den even offers credit facilities for up to S$50,000 (US$30,000). The operation is sophisticated enough to cater even to high-rollers: A VIP room, in which only those with S$100,000 (US$60,000) worth of chips can play, is part of the set-up. These big-timers are afforded creature comforts: Among other things, a waitress brings them sliced fruit, drinks of their choice, and even hot towels.
Benny Kusni, an Indonesian businessman who lives here, is the republic’s honorary consul.
Honorary consuls are not paid for their diplomatic services and usually deal with applications for visas to the country which appointed them as representatives. While international conventions grant foreign consular officers and their premises immunity from local authorities, an honorary consul or his premises do not enjoy such privileges.
The den appears to be run by a Chinese Singaporean who looks to be in his 50s. He keeps a lookout for activities outside the consulate via the CCTV. A visit to the consulate on Saturday morning, during business hours, found it deserted save for two men, including one named “Johnson,” who described himself as Kusni’s assistant. (source: The Straits Times)
Tags: Singapore, Senegal, Consulate, The Straits Times, Baccarat, Gambling
Gamblers are mainly chinese in their 40s and 50s and about a S$1million (US$602,000) worth of chips changes hands every night, with the minimum bet per game set at S$100 and the maximum at S$30,000. The den even offers credit facilities for up to S$50,000 (US$30,000). The operation is sophisticated enough to cater even to high-rollers: A VIP room, in which only those with S$100,000 (US$60,000) worth of chips can play, is part of the set-up. These big-timers are afforded creature comforts: Among other things, a waitress brings them sliced fruit, drinks of their choice, and even hot towels.
Benny Kusni, an Indonesian businessman who lives here, is the republic’s honorary consul.
Honorary consuls are not paid for their diplomatic services and usually deal with applications for visas to the country which appointed them as representatives. While international conventions grant foreign consular officers and their premises immunity from local authorities, an honorary consul or his premises do not enjoy such privileges.
The den appears to be run by a Chinese Singaporean who looks to be in his 50s. He keeps a lookout for activities outside the consulate via the CCTV. A visit to the consulate on Saturday morning, during business hours, found it deserted save for two men, including one named “Johnson,” who described himself as Kusni’s assistant. (source: The Straits Times)
Tags: Singapore, Senegal, Consulate, The Straits Times, Baccarat, Gambling
20 Years
My tribute to Sir Alex Ferguson, the current manager of my favourite football team, Manchester United, who has been in charge for 20 years now.
Nationality: Scotland
Manager From: 6 Nov 1986
Years as Manager: 20
Premier League Title: 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003
FA Cup: 1990, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004
League Cup: 1992, 2006
UEFA Champions League: 1999
UEFA Cup Winners Cup: 1991
Inter-Continental Cup: 1999
FA Charity / Community Shield: 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 2003 (Joint holders: 1990)
Tags: Sports, Football, Soccer, Sir Alex Ferguson, Manchester United, English Premier League, FA Cup, UEFA Champions League, Carling Cup
Nationality: Scotland
Manager From: 6 Nov 1986
Years as Manager: 20
Premier League Title: 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003
FA Cup: 1990, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004
League Cup: 1992, 2006
UEFA Champions League: 1999
UEFA Cup Winners Cup: 1991
Inter-Continental Cup: 1999
FA Charity / Community Shield: 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 2003 (Joint holders: 1990)
Tags: Sports, Football, Soccer, Sir Alex Ferguson, Manchester United, English Premier League, FA Cup, UEFA Champions League, Carling Cup
Negotiation
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favour. The Pope says, "What can I do? "The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate $10million to the Vatican. "The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's Prayer and I can't change the words. "So the Colonel hangs up.
After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $20 million if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.' And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's Prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gives up again.
After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $50 million to The Vatican." The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."
So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $50 million to the Vatican." The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we're losing the Gardenia account."
Tags: Jokes, Humour, Funny, Pope, Colonel Sanders, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Gardenia
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Iran Test-Fires New Missiles
Why USA kept demanding for strict controls on weapons being developed in Iran? Well, the pictures below will tell you why. Iran has been on a mission to obtain the best technologies in getting the best for their missiles. They have been testing it regularly to maximise the effectiveness of it. 
New range of missiles were being tested during a war game in a desert near the holy city of Qom, southeast of Tehran, 2 November 2006. Iran also tested the long-range Shahab-3 missile from mobile launch-pad as shown in picture.
"We want to show our deterrent and defensive power to trans-regional enemies, and we hope they will understand the message," the head of the Revolutionary Guards, Gen. Yahya Rahim Safavi. (source: China Daily)
Tags: Iran, War, Missiles, Shahab-3
New range of missiles were being tested during a war game in a desert near the holy city of Qom, southeast of Tehran, 2 November 2006. Iran also tested the long-range Shahab-3 missile from mobile launch-pad as shown in picture.
"We want to show our deterrent and defensive power to trans-regional enemies, and we hope they will understand the message," the head of the Revolutionary Guards, Gen. Yahya Rahim Safavi. (source: China Daily)
Tags: Iran, War, Missiles, Shahab-3
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