Tags: Ancient, Japan, Proverb, Funny, Humour, Jokes
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
How Malaysian Are You?
NO CHEATING PLEASE !!!
1. How much is satu kupang? Northern slang for 10 sen
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping? Lake Gardens
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato? Negri Sembilan, meaning "What's there to say?"
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai. Roti bom, roti pisang, roti planta, roti telur, roti sardin, roti tisu, roti bawang..........
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians. Sago
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "sea-cucumber" Minyak gamat made from sea cucumber, for wounds
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love. Budu
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean? Northern dialect that means coming and going but ending up at the same spot
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for? Pomelo
10. What is the English name for putu mayam? String hoppers
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans. Bah
12. What does ABC stand for? Air batu campur OR All Asia Broadcast Centre
13. How long is a sari? Six yards
14. What does the Cantonese phrase" ngam ngam " means ? Just in time or just fit or just right.
15. Name Penang's famous beach. Batu Ferringhi
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam? Kopi cham
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm? The news
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other? Keris
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin? Congkak
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot? Wira
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you are...? "Other" or Lain-lain
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy? Lat
23. How did the word "gostan" come about? A corruption of "go astern"
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous Malay song? P. Ramlee's Getaran Jiwa
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup? 1992
26. What is the name of our national flag? Jalur Gemilang
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult? "Datuk"
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike? Jaguh
29. Name our national bird. There's none - lah
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is the son? Baba
SCORES AND EVALUATION:
0-10 - Malu-lah you! We suggest you spend at least one hour a day at your nearest coffee-shop.
11-20 - Boleh pass. Okay, you may claim to be the average Malaysian with a score in this range but you could watch less CNN on Astro and more local content on RTM.
21-30 - Wah, you one true blue Malaysian-lah. Top quality belacan. We are truly impressed, especially if you know the answer to No. 24 which we admit is very tricky!
-FOR THE ANSWERS, JUST SELECT ALL AND THE CHANGE THE COLOUR FONT-
Tags: Malaysia, Malaysian, Evaluation
1. How much is satu kupang? Northern slang for 10 sen
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping? Lake Gardens
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato? Negri Sembilan, meaning "What's there to say?"
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai. Roti bom, roti pisang, roti planta, roti telur, roti sardin, roti tisu, roti bawang..........
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians. Sago
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "sea-cucumber" Minyak gamat made from sea cucumber, for wounds
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love. Budu
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean? Northern dialect that means coming and going but ending up at the same spot
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for? Pomelo
10. What is the English name for putu mayam? String hoppers
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans. Bah
12. What does ABC stand for? Air batu campur OR All Asia Broadcast Centre
13. How long is a sari? Six yards
14. What does the Cantonese phrase" ngam ngam " means ? Just in time or just fit or just right.
15. Name Penang's famous beach. Batu Ferringhi
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam? Kopi cham
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm? The news
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other? Keris
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin? Congkak
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot? Wira
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you are...? "Other" or Lain-lain
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy? Lat
23. How did the word "gostan" come about? A corruption of "go astern"
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous Malay song? P. Ramlee's Getaran Jiwa
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup? 1992
26. What is the name of our national flag? Jalur Gemilang
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult? "Datuk"
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike? Jaguh
29. Name our national bird. There's none - lah
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is the son? Baba
SCORES AND EVALUATION:
0-10 - Malu-lah you! We suggest you spend at least one hour a day at your nearest coffee-shop.
11-20 - Boleh pass. Okay, you may claim to be the average Malaysian with a score in this range but you could watch less CNN on Astro and more local content on RTM.
21-30 - Wah, you one true blue Malaysian-lah. Top quality belacan. We are truly impressed, especially if you know the answer to No. 24 which we admit is very tricky!
-FOR THE ANSWERS, JUST SELECT ALL AND THE CHANGE THE COLOUR FONT-
Tags: Malaysia, Malaysian, Evaluation
Double Crossing the Mafia
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers?
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Lawyer, Attorney, Mafia, Godfather, Bookkeeper
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Most Gratifying Jobs
Dont' know which job to choose or apply for?? A survery was conducted with randomly selected people who collectively represent a cross section of Americans. In the current study, interviewers asked more than 27,000 people questions about job satisfaction and general happiness. Here are the Top 10 most gratifying jobs and the percentage of subjects who said they were very satisfied with the job:-
1) Clergy— 87%
2) Firefighters—80 %
3) Physical therapists—78 %
4) Authors—74 %
5) Special education teachers—70 %
6) Teachers—69 %
7) Education administrators—68 %
8) Painters and sculptors—67 %
8) Psychologists—67 %
9) Security and financial services salespersons—65 %
10) Operating engineers—64 %
And everything has its opposite. Here are the 10 least gratifying jobs, where few participants reported being very satisfied:-
1) Laborers, except construction—21 %
2) Apparel clothing salespersons—24 %
3) Handpackers and packagers—24 %
4) Food preparers—24 %
5) Roofers—25 %
6) Cashiers—25 %
7) Furniture and home-furnishing salespersons—25 %
8) Bartenders—26 %
9) Freight, stock and material handlers—26 %
10) Waiters and servers—27 %
(source: Livescience)
Tags: Jobs, Gratifying, Livescience, Job Satisfaction, Happiness
1) Clergy— 87%
2) Firefighters—80 %
3) Physical therapists—78 %
4) Authors—74 %
5) Special education teachers—70 %
6) Teachers—69 %
7) Education administrators—68 %
8) Painters and sculptors—67 %
8) Psychologists—67 %
9) Security and financial services salespersons—65 %
10) Operating engineers—64 %
And everything has its opposite. Here are the 10 least gratifying jobs, where few participants reported being very satisfied:-
1) Laborers, except construction—21 %
2) Apparel clothing salespersons—24 %
3) Handpackers and packagers—24 %
4) Food preparers—24 %
5) Roofers—25 %
6) Cashiers—25 %
7) Furniture and home-furnishing salespersons—25 %
8) Bartenders—26 %
9) Freight, stock and material handlers—26 %
10) Waiters and servers—27 %
(source: Livescience)
Tags: Jobs, Gratifying, Livescience, Job Satisfaction, Happiness
Doctor's Tales
A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
----------------------------------------------------------------------
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
----------------------------------------------------------------------
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes entered. It was very quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Tags: Doctors, Jokes, Funny, Humour
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
----------------------------------------------------------------------
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
----------------------------------------------------------------------
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes entered. It was very quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Tags: Doctors, Jokes, Funny, Humour
Cancel Credit Card Prior to Death
It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening, customer service being what it is.... My Aunt died this past January. Citibank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it is somewhere around RM60.00 I placed the following phone call to Citibank:-
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "...excuse me.?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given)
(After they get the fax)Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: "Oh..."
Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
Citibank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given)
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Tags: Weird, Jokes, Funny, Humour, Citibank, Credit Card, Death Certificate, Customer Service
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "...excuse me.?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given)
(After they get the fax)Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: "Oh..."
Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
Citibank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given)
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Tags: Weird, Jokes, Funny, Humour, Citibank, Credit Card, Death Certificate, Customer Service
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Man Utd - Asia Tour
Really glad to hear that Manchester United has arranged for a number of fixtures to be played at Asia during the coming summer break.
Next question, will I be in Malaysia on 27 July 2007??????? That's really heart sick.
Tags: Manchester United, Football, Soccer, Asia Tour 2007
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