POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Ibu, Bonda, Umi
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop, Ayah, Bapa,
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Tags: Family, Parents
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Sardarji Jokes
SARDAR.... BACK IN FORM.....
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever;
What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers ind car he was driving.
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend last words. And finds it means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab Yaar".
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put on two coats".
A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. It's 4 asterisks (****). " The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U are wrong, It's 1258".
SARDARJI WAS SITTING IN A PARK, THEN ONE MAN ASK HIM, ARE YOU RELAXING ?. SARDAR SAID NO I AM MANJITH SINGH.
Tags: Sardarji, Jokes, Funny, Humour, Punjab, Singh
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever;
What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers ind car he was driving.
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend last words. And finds it means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab Yaar".
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put on two coats".
A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. It's 4 asterisks (****). " The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U are wrong, It's 1258".
SARDARJI WAS SITTING IN A PARK, THEN ONE MAN ASK HIM, ARE YOU RELAXING ?. SARDAR SAID NO I AM MANJITH SINGH.
Tags: Sardarji, Jokes, Funny, Humour, Punjab, Singh
Friday, June 22, 2007
Peruvian Viagra
Personally in Kuala Lumpur, I have tried the frog legs porridge. It's not dirty but gross for some people. Generally, chinese will eat it. A Malaysian blog has a story on the frog legs porridge.
In Peru's capital city, Lima, a different frog specie is being used for a different purpose. It's being turned into frog juice but a bit cruel lah.........the stall owner will pluck a frog from an aquarium and thrown straight into a food blender and out comes the fresh juice.
The frog juice is communally known to provide some sort of sex potent or also known as Peruvian Viagra.
Not only it could cure your little brother's strength but locals there believed that it could cure asthma, bronchitis and sluggishness.
Freshly killed!
Skinned frog!
Cruel? But it's a local delicacy there.
About 50 glasses are being sold daily.
A concoction of three ladles of hot, white bean broth, two generous spoonfuls of honey, raw aloe vera plant and several tablespoons of maca — an Andean root are mixed with the frog juice. It sells for US$0.90 per cup.
Reading: Frog juice is 'Peruvian Viagra,' who knew? - Slashfood
Reading: Not feeling sexy? Chug some Peruvian frog juice -Msnbc
In Peru's capital city, Lima, a different frog specie is being used for a different purpose. It's being turned into frog juice but a bit cruel lah.........the stall owner will pluck a frog from an aquarium and thrown straight into a food blender and out comes the fresh juice.
The frog juice is communally known to provide some sort of sex potent or also known as Peruvian Viagra.
Not only it could cure your little brother's strength but locals there believed that it could cure asthma, bronchitis and sluggishness.
Freshly killed!
Skinned frog!
Cruel? But it's a local delicacy there.
About 50 glasses are being sold daily.
A concoction of three ladles of hot, white bean broth, two generous spoonfuls of honey, raw aloe vera plant and several tablespoons of maca — an Andean root are mixed with the frog juice. It sells for US$0.90 per cup.
Reading: Frog juice is 'Peruvian Viagra,' who knew? - SlashfoodReading: Not feeling sexy? Chug some Peruvian frog juice -Msnbc
Car Jack?
Dear friends,
I had a terrifying experience yesterday evening and I want to share with you. At 8pm yesterday, at the Damansara toll plaza, heading towards the city, I was suddenly "intercepted" by an old dark coloured, ill-mantained 3-series BMW. The vehicle stopped almost slant wise in front of me.
A young, thin Malay man possibly in his 20s alighted from the car with a parang in his hand. As soon as I saw him with a weapon, I sped towards Damansara Utama with the intention of going to the nearest police station. He trailed me violently weaving in and out traffic and waving the parang on one hand asking me to stop. There is also another man in the passenger seat, (I can't tell his look). They sped off after I made the turn off towards D'sara Utama.
Upon reaching the police station, I was calmed down by several policemen, who claimed that this is an attempted car jack and it happened almost everyday in and around D'sara Utama because of the accessibility of roads leading to many areas. This is also where Dato' Lee Hwa Beng was carjacked 2 months ago.
The police also claimed that carjackers would go for less luxury cars today and robbers tend to target people who has withdrawn money from ATM machines. I hope to remind all friends to be more alert and careful while you are on the road, coming out from the banks and even at petrol stations...Be safe....
Regards......Seow Kim Seng
Tags: Car Jack, Damansara, Lee Hwa Beng
Thursday, June 21, 2007
True Love But Scary
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to comeback home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back Iwill allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly". So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiance, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after a some time that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation were on the very next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream so she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day, while she was all alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened she door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old lady woke her up..., and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.
She asked "What is this..?
The old lady replied..."Try Dynamo Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!"
I know how you all are feeling now...I have been through this too, ok? But don't look at me like that........I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me...!!
Tags: Scary Story, Dynamo Liquid Soap
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to comeback home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back Iwill allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly". So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiance, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after a some time that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation were on the very next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream so she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day, while she was all alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened she door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old lady woke her up..., and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.
She asked "What is this..?
The old lady replied..."Try Dynamo Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!"
I know how you all are feeling now...I have been through this too, ok? But don't look at me like that........I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me...!!
Tags: Scary Story, Dynamo Liquid Soap
Beijing 2008 - Unwanted Lists
If you have thought of going for next year's Olympic Games in China, you better make sure you are not part of the unwanted lists.
Doesn't mean if you are one of the International Olympic Committee ("IOC") members, you could be allowed into the Olympic Games. Yeah! it's that absurd. China's Ministry of Public Security are currently investigating various individuals that have to be there by virtue of their positions/occupations but China may not grant them entrance. At the end of each Olympic Games, a flag handover ceremony is usually done during the closing ceremony, right? The representatives from the next city would be represented, in this case London. Well, your representatives could be barred from entering China......hahaha. So, who's to take the flag then? What list am I talking about? Backgrounds of each people would be investigated and a benchmarks for the investigation were set too. Click here to view the list (in Chinese).
The Catholic guys didn't find it amuse and had published an article in their website, Independent Catholic News. It seems that Catholic believers have been singled out. Why? China is quite strict on the religion issue and they do not want religious people coming into the country to spread their influence in a communist state.
Extract of the statement by the China's Ministry of Public Security:-
* The banned groups will include members of religious groups not sanctioned by the state, including the underground Catholic and other Christian churches; "key individuals in ideological fields," "counter-revolutionary" figures, the Dalai Lama and all affiliates, "individuals who instigate discontentment toward the Chinese Communist Party through the Internet," and certain types of "handicapped" persons.
* Members of the indigenous religious group Falun Gong would be barred, as would "family members of deceased persons" killed in "riots" -- a euphemism for events such as the Tiananmen Massacre -- and Uighur Muslims in Xinjiang province, which the regime brands "national separatists."
* Foreign athletes, members of the media, Olympic staff members, referees, sponsors, dignitaries, and the International Olympic Committee itself, will all be investigated, to determine whether they fall into any of the 43 categories.
Reading: China’s Ministry of Public Security Issues Secret Directive to Investigate and Bar Thousands Worldwide from Olympics - Falun Data Information Center
BEWARE! Or is it just a propaganda raised by Falun Gong?
Tags: Beijing 2008, Olympic Games, Catholic, Falun Gong, International Olympic Committee, Ministry of Public Security, China, Investigation, Dalai Lama, Chinese Communist Party, Communist
Doesn't mean if you are one of the International Olympic Committee ("IOC") members, you could be allowed into the Olympic Games. Yeah! it's that absurd. China's Ministry of Public Security are currently investigating various individuals that have to be there by virtue of their positions/occupations but China may not grant them entrance. At the end of each Olympic Games, a flag handover ceremony is usually done during the closing ceremony, right? The representatives from the next city would be represented, in this case London. Well, your representatives could be barred from entering China......hahaha. So, who's to take the flag then? What list am I talking about? Backgrounds of each people would be investigated and a benchmarks for the investigation were set too. Click here to view the list (in Chinese).
The Catholic guys didn't find it amuse and had published an article in their website, Independent Catholic News. It seems that Catholic believers have been singled out. Why? China is quite strict on the religion issue and they do not want religious people coming into the country to spread their influence in a communist state.
Extract of the statement by the China's Ministry of Public Security:-
* The banned groups will include members of religious groups not sanctioned by the state, including the underground Catholic and other Christian churches; "key individuals in ideological fields," "counter-revolutionary" figures, the Dalai Lama and all affiliates, "individuals who instigate discontentment toward the Chinese Communist Party through the Internet," and certain types of "handicapped" persons.
* Members of the indigenous religious group Falun Gong would be barred, as would "family members of deceased persons" killed in "riots" -- a euphemism for events such as the Tiananmen Massacre -- and Uighur Muslims in Xinjiang province, which the regime brands "national separatists."
* Foreign athletes, members of the media, Olympic staff members, referees, sponsors, dignitaries, and the International Olympic Committee itself, will all be investigated, to determine whether they fall into any of the 43 categories.
Reading: China’s Ministry of Public Security Issues Secret Directive to Investigate and Bar Thousands Worldwide from Olympics - Falun Data Information Center
BEWARE! Or is it just a propaganda raised by Falun Gong?
Tags: Beijing 2008, Olympic Games, Catholic, Falun Gong, International Olympic Committee, Ministry of Public Security, China, Investigation, Dalai Lama, Chinese Communist Party, Communist
Space Tourism Business
More and more companies are targetting this area of tourism industry. Ever thought of travelling up to the open space and see earth. Most have to go thought extensive training in order to become an astronaut but technology advancement will make it possible for an ordinary guy like to have a taste of it.Only issue is $$$$$$$$.
EADS (European Aeronautic Defence and Space Company), an aerospace giant, has jumped onto the bandwagon of space tourism under a space division called EADS Astrium. Plans are in store for fare-paying passengers on a sub-orbital ride more than 100km above the planet. Wow!!! The price for this trip will be around 200,000 euros (£135,000). First commercial flight expected to be available in 2012, still long time more and maybe enough time for you to save those money up. You'll get to experience weightlessness while travelling for about 3 to 5 minutes, not bad but too short a time after paying so much for the trip.
EADS Astrium said that such space development could incur as much as 1 billion euros. EADS Astrium is the fourth company that has announced such development apart from The Spaceship Company, Blue Origin and Space Adventures Ltd. Quite a tight competition too especially with such an expensive development cost and there were no examples to follow.
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