Chelsea Business Tactics

These are examples of how a typical transfer occurs within Chel$ki:-

Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: Hmm...that player that I saw the other day, lets buy him.
Russian Mafia Spy: That was a documentary on Franz Beckenbauer, the West German football legend.
Mourinho: Yeah, yeah spare me the details, offer him some cash so he will play for us.
Russian Mafia Spy: He retired from football like 30 years ago...I doubt he will be for sale
Mourinho: In that case, lets buy another German that begins with a B.
Russian Mafia Spy: Hmm...Ballack?
Mourinho: Sure, whatever, what have we got to lose anyway? Money? (laughs insanely)
Russian Mafia Spy: (laughs maniacally) Good one.

Typical Transfer no. 2
Mourinho: I received some shocking news yesterday. Apparently we are not at the top of the tables in the Premiership? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Russian Mafia Spy: Its been like this the whole season, Man Utd were on top since the beginning...
Mourinho: WHAT!? Why was I not aware of this?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm...I can think of several reasons, but thats not the point, we need to solve this problem.
Mourinho: Hmmm this should be simple, lemme just check my FIFA 07 on my PC and see which players are the most valuable...lets see...Rooney? Nah he will f*** all the 'Chelsea Pensioners'. Messi? Nah silly name. Hey check this guy out, Salomon Kalou is rated quite high! Lets buy this player!
Russian Mafia Spy: ...He's on our team already...
Mourinho: Fine then... I'll check some good players from the last few seasons... What about this guy?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm... how long ago have you gone back?!? Jurgen Klinsmann is from ages ago! He just retired from coach of Germany!
Mourinho: Oh.
Shevchenko: Lets buy Kaka, I played with him in AC Milan and I think he is a great player.
Russian Mafia Advisor: Or, how about we get someone who is 10 years older. Either that or we buy a Cole.
Mourinho: I like your thinking Oudya Nickabollockov! Hmmm what about this Pele fellow?
Everyone: *silence*
Tags: Chelsea, Chelski, Jose Mourinho, Roman Abramovich, Russian Mafia, Football, Funny, Humour, Business Tactics

Jury

Tags: Michael Jackson, Jury, Court, Funny, Humour

Estonia Attacked !!!

Reports have gone out that Estonia, a newly accepted European Union member, has been attacked. Not hit by any missiles or rockets or invaded by enemies.

• Estonia's whole internet system was down nationwide since end April 2007. Both NATO IT specialists and Estonia top 300 IT specialists were rushed to salvage the situation.

Estonia has suspected Russia behind the cyber attack which Russia has denied their involvement. Why was Russia singled out? It seems that Russian was not pleased in a controversy removal of a monument dedicated to Soviet soldiers in the capital city of Tallinn. Russia has even called for economics blockade on Estonia due to the removal of the monument. What a farce!!!

For Estonia, such removal is a removal of 50 years of Soviet oppression. But why previous Soviet issues could still trigger such anger from Russia? Was Russia top government officials trying to intimidate Estonia, a country with only a population of 1,500,000? Surprisingly, Russians leaving in Estonia came out to protest and riot began.

Next thing, came the non-access to internet and emails system on the same rioting day. Life in the country was disrupted for the last 3 weeks, entire state administration was paralyzed, banks came to a standstill and companies had to freeze their operations.

This is how bad it could be in a cyber war. Nuclear bombs are not required anymore. North Korea and Iran may want to import such cyber war knowledge in future. (source: ABC News)
Tags: Estonia, Russia, NATO, Cyber War, Cyber Attack, Technology, Internet, Soviet

Geography

- Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa: wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.

- Between 21 and 30 ans, a woman is like America : well developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.

- Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India: sensual,
relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.


- Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France: deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.

- Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Yugoslavia: a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is the only answer.








- Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Russia: vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.





- Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia: a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.







- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there…

Tags: Africa, America, India, France, Yugoslavia, Russia, Mongolia, Afghanistan, Woman

Digging Up Malaysia's Racial Past

A new book presents the view that 1969 race riots were instigated by ambitious Malay politicians. Now it seems the book will be banned by the government.

Thirty-eight years on, the traumatic ethnic riots of May 13, 1969 in Malaysia remain as much a subject of official censorship as the events of June 4, 1989 in China. Now a new book by a Malaysian Chinese academic, launched on 13 May 2007 itself, is on the point of being officially banned for suggesting that May 13 was the occasion for what amounted to a coup against the independence leader and Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman by his United Malays National Organisation ("UMNO") colleagues who were pushing pro-Malay policies. Officials of Malaysia's Internal Security Ministry Tuesday confiscated 10 copies of the book from a Kuala Lumpur bookstore, advising the store not to sell it as it may be banned. According to a letter issued by Ministry officials, the book is suspected of being an "undesirable publication."

What happened on May 13 remains highly relevant to UMNO's position as the leader of the Barisan Nasional, the alliance of race-based parties that has ruled the country since independence 50 years ago.

"Declassified Documents on the Malaysian riots of 1969" by Dr Kua Kia Soong, the principal of New Era College, is based not directly on Malaysian sources, but on now-open British documents held at the Public Records Office in Kew Gardens, near London. These consist of contemporary British diplomatic and intelligence reports which suggest that the riots were not spontaneous acts of communal violence, as is constantly alleged by UMNO, but were fanned by Malay elements, with support from the army and police, wanting to discredit the accommodating prime minister and impose a much more rigorous Malay agenda. One British document concluded that the goal was to "formalize Malay dominance, sideline the Chinese and shelve Tunku."

The official Malaysian government version of events was that the riots were sparked by opposition parties "infiltrated by communist insurgents" following huge opposition gains in the election. Although the UMNO-led Alliance, the predecessor of the Barisan National, retained an overall majority, it lost its two thirds majority and its control of Selangor state was threatened. Certainly there was much celebrating among the mainly Chinese opposition parties at the election result, which angered Malay politicians who sensed their political dominance was under threat.

By the time the riots were over, official figures said 196 people had been killed, 6,000 made homeless and more than 700 buildings destroyed or damaged.

Non-Malays, in particular, have long believed that though there was violence on both sides, it was a mostly one-sided affair with some Malay politicians, notably Selangor Chief Minister Harun Idris, encouraging mobs to attack Chinese areas and that the security forces initially did little to prevent violence. This is largely confirmed by contemporary reports such as those of Far Eastern Economic Review correspondent Bob Reece.

Kua's thesis suggests that there was a grander political design behind the episode, which from the beginning was intended to create a new political agenda and new leadership. He attributes this to a younger Malay group dissatisfied with the aristocratic, pro-British Tunku.

In any event, the Tunku effectively stepped aside as emergency powers to rule by decree were (temporarily) placed in the hands of a National Operations Council headed by his deputy Tun Abdul Razak - father of current deputy prime minister Najib Razak. The Tunku remained prime minister until September 1970, but had little authority any more. In 1971 he also stepped down as president of UMNO after virulent criticism by the Malay "Young Turks," headed by Mahathir Mohamad, the future Prime Minister. The same year the government enunciated the New Economic Policy and began aggressive affirmative action programs to advance the economic and educational level of Malays.

However, while the consequences of May 13 may be clear, there are disagreements about Kua's thesis even among those who attribute the riots to Malay politicians. For example, Dr Syed Husin Ali also a respected academic and deputy head of the opposition Keadilan Party, has suggested that while some UMNO figures used the events as an opportunity to sideline the Tunku and set out a pro-Malay agenda, it was not planned as such.

In other words, Razak and others took advantage of the situation which arose after the election and the appearance of Malay mobs to grab the reins of power from the Tunku, with whom they were dissatisfied, but that it was not premeditated. Syed also takes issue with Kua's view that they represented an aspirant Malay capitalist class when most had traditional and feudal links.

Bookstores have been advised not to sell Kua's book and a formal ban looks likely on the grounds that it will stir up racial animosities, which it could well do in the short run. However, from a broader perspective it is hard to see how a multi-racial, multi-religious Malaysia can flourish if events such as May 13 can only be discussed in private, while the public is fed a distorted official version in order to sustain the legitimacy of UMNO politicians. (source: Asia Sentinel)

Reading: Rusuhan 13 Mei atau peristiwa 13 Mei

Tags: Politics, May 13, Kua Kia Soong, UMNO, Malay, Chinese, Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Abdul Razak, Riot, Racial, Barisan Nasional, New Era College, Public Records Office, New Economic Policy

Ferrari Bicycle

Never heard of a Ferrari bicycle? I'm not joking as Ferrari has combined its technology know-how with Colnago to manufacture a limited bicycle edition for cycling enthusiasts or collectors. So the name for the limited edition version is Ferrari Colnago.

What Ferrari technology? Well, the frame for this bike is the same of the model Colnago Extreme Power in carbon fibre, assembled through junctions that allow the maximum personalization of the size. Sounds very simple.

Tags: Sports, Ferrari, Colnago, Bicycle, Ferrari Colnago, Colnago Extreme Power

Deep Fried

In Elderon, Wisconsin, people tend to go for deep fried foodstuff - deep fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. Lately, deep fried testicles of goat, lamb and bull.........yuck!!!! They even have a US$5 fee for one all-you-can-eat meal of those testicles. They are really for it.

Elderon town has just held its 9th Annual Testicle Festival on 14 May 2007.

But people at Byron, Illinois will go for turkey testicles instead. Even a festival was celebrated annually just to eat the turkey testicles. The last festival was its 28th Annual Turkey Testicle Festival in Oct 2006.

Nothing else to eat for the last 28 years???????
Tags: Elderon, Wisconsin, Bryon, Illinois, Testicle, Turkey Testicle Festival, Testicle Festival