Chelsea Business Tactics

These are examples of how a typical transfer occurs within Chel$ki:-

Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: Hmm...that player that I saw the other day, lets buy him.
Russian Mafia Spy: That was a documentary on Franz Beckenbauer, the West German football legend.
Mourinho: Yeah, yeah spare me the details, offer him some cash so he will play for us.
Russian Mafia Spy: He retired from football like 30 years ago...I doubt he will be for sale
Mourinho: In that case, lets buy another German that begins with a B.
Russian Mafia Spy: Hmm...Ballack?
Mourinho: Sure, whatever, what have we got to lose anyway? Money? (laughs insanely)
Russian Mafia Spy: (laughs maniacally) Good one.

Typical Transfer no. 2
Mourinho: I received some shocking news yesterday. Apparently we are not at the top of the tables in the Premiership? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Russian Mafia Spy: Its been like this the whole season, Man Utd were on top since the beginning...
Mourinho: WHAT!? Why was I not aware of this?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm...I can think of several reasons, but thats not the point, we need to solve this problem.
Mourinho: Hmmm this should be simple, lemme just check my FIFA 07 on my PC and see which players are the most valuable...lets see...Rooney? Nah he will f*** all the 'Chelsea Pensioners'. Messi? Nah silly name. Hey check this guy out, Salomon Kalou is rated quite high! Lets buy this player!
Russian Mafia Spy: ...He's on our team already...
Mourinho: Fine then... I'll check some good players from the last few seasons... What about this guy?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm... how long ago have you gone back?!? Jurgen Klinsmann is from ages ago! He just retired from coach of Germany!
Mourinho: Oh.
Shevchenko: Lets buy Kaka, I played with him in AC Milan and I think he is a great player.
Russian Mafia Advisor: Or, how about we get someone who is 10 years older. Either that or we buy a Cole.
Mourinho: I like your thinking Oudya Nickabollockov! Hmmm what about this Pele fellow?
Everyone: *silence*
Tags: Chelsea, Chelski, Jose Mourinho, Roman Abramovich, Russian Mafia, Football, Funny, Humour, Business Tactics