Human Resource Dept's Memo

To all Employees:

* Dress Code - 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

* Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

* Holiday Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

* Compassionate Leave - This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

* Toilet Use - 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

* Lunch Break - 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Tags: Jokes, Humour, Funny, Human Resource, Employees

Stevie Wonder in Concert

Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise.

But, still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts"No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Stevie is really cheesed off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage" OK - smart alec, you get up here and do it". The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing... " … a jazz chord to say, I ruv you..." (I just call to say, I love you..).
Tags: Music, Concert, Entertainment, Stevie Wonder, Jokes, Humour, Funny, China

Going to Work

I won't have any problems of getting stuck in a traffic and therefore late for work. Neither could I be late sitting at my desk as my residence is only on the upper floor now. When I'm in Kuala Lumpur, the journey from home to office on a non-working day takes me only 10-15 minutes but it will take me almost 1 hour on working days in the morning.

Tags: Humour, Kuala Lumpur, Traffic

World Aids Day

World AIDS Day, 1 December is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV and AIDS. This year, it's up to you, me and us to stop the spread of HIV and end prejudice.
HIV/Aids is having a crippling effect on the workforce of many countries, a report by the International Labour Organization for World Aids Day says.

The ILO said HIV/Aids killed almost 3.5 million people of working age in 2005.

Tags: World Aids Day, HIV, AIDS, ILO, Health

Finally Settled Down!!

Hi, I'm back this time with more time on the internet.

On Wednesday, 3 guys’ personal belongings were packed into a pick-up truck to move over to our office cum house place about 5 minutes away. The house in the background was occupied by various staff since the beginning of the project in July 2004 till now.
The upper floor is our residential area of 3 rooms 2 bathrooms. That is the nice satellite receiver where it serves our internet (very important for us). 24/7 internet connection since we are staying upstairs now.

The left and right area in the front of my office. Only main road are tarred and not small roads like this.

A nice garden that was well taken care with a generator in placed too. Every house or office requires a generator set due to frequent power cuts in Sudan. Big business for generator sector. Powered by diesel.

Tags: Journal, Diary, Life, Office, Khartoum, Generator

Snippets

Maybe I can draw your attention to some interesting news happening around the Africa continent while you wait for my postings (after resumption of my internet serve at home cum office, just can't wait for this 24 hours internet opportunity):-

a) Ethiopia and Starbucks talks fail (yeah, the coffee chain)
b) Drug disgrace for Nollywood star (ever wonder where is Nollywood????)
c) Gaddafi in Nigeria airport drama (referring to the Libyan president)
d) 'Pregnant' man fined in South African court
e) Madonna faces adoption challenge (due to her recent adoption of a Malawian boy)

Happy reading!
Tags: Ethiopia, Starbucks, Nollywood, Drug, Gaddafi, Nigeria, South Africa, Madonna, Adoption

Still Stucked!!!

What I feared most happened. The IT guys didn't get to connect/configure the office server and satellite within a day. 3 days gone and I can't smell the internet function I'm not submitting this at the comfort of my office or home but at a cybercafe about 5 mins from new home.

New home? A surprise came in somehow as I was requested to move house too on 28 Nov too. So, 4 guys moved to the 1st floor of the new office building. The office will only occupy the ground floor and 4 guys will be staying upstairs. What hectic days for moving office and home at the same time. More pictures will be posted to show the new office area when internet service resumes. This time round I will have internet access for 24 hours (provided I don't sleep of course) as a picture to be posted will show you how big is my satellite receiver.

Just when the thought of new environment sets in, news of war down south Sudan has to happen to give me some shivers. "At least 300 people were killed in clashes between Sudan's army and former rebels in the south earlier this week, aid workers say" - such statement won't bring you comfort. Clashes between a northern militia led by Maj Gen Gabriel Tang and the Sudan People's Liberation Army (SPLA) former rebels in parts of a town called Malakal. (source: BBC News/Africa)
Tags: Journal, Diary, Life, Khartoum, Sudan, War, Militia, Sudan People's Liberation Army, SPLA, Malakal