Why Men are Always the Born Loser???

Thought # 1
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

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Thought # 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

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Thought # 3
A man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

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Thought # 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering
what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing..........but not the poor groom!
Tags: Man, Born Loser, Mother, Wife, Guardian Angel, Bride, Jokes, Funny, Humour

On a Stormy Night .....

They were together in the House. Just the two of them. It was a cold, dark, stormy night.








The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.










Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed... He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprise d when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on... They knew it was wrong... Their families would never understand...

So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors...just the faint click of a camera......


Tags: Stormy Night, Jokes, Funny, Humour

Beyonce's World Tour

Ethiopia, in celebrating the much delayed New Millenium, did invite Beyonce to be part of that celebration in Addis Ababa.






And these 2 pictures were taken at that concert in Ethiopia.

No wonder the Malaysian government didn't agree with her performing in Malaysia.

Just look at that exposure of her skin.

Conditions to be adhered to while performing in Malaysia should be:-
* no hugging or kissing audience members or fellow artists
* no jumping or shouting
* no throwing objects on stage or at the audience
* no foul language
* AND OF COURSE NO SKIN from the tops of their chests to their knees

When I read "no throwing objects at the audience", I assumed that singers cannot throw themselves at the audience which is more of safety concern. 100% that the singers won't come out alive from the audience's grasp.

Well, Gwen Stefani did meet all those requirements in her recent concert in Kuala Lumpur and a Malaysian audience had an unforgettable night. I'm not into Beyonce's music but what's the hoo-hah about when the Malaysian government decided not to issue a licence for her concert. But the thing is was it the Malaysian government who disapproved first or Beyonce decided to shelve the idea of having the concert in Malaysia.

Black Eye Peas just held their concert in Genting (near Kuala Lumpur) last Friday and their fans enjoyed the music that were belted out. So, no problem with their kind of music and dressing was not an issue. I guess Gwen Stefani and Black Eye Peas wanted their fans to hear their music and gave them the opportunity of seeing them live in Malaysia.

You Beyonce fans can just take a flight over to Thailand and Indonesia for her coming concerts if you really like her so much. I mean if you really like her so much, what is the cost of air tickets/hotel accommodation compared to seeing her live for the first time or the umpteenth time. To me, Beyonce didn't put her Malaysian fans at heart.

Nowadays, the concert organisers are very careful with the government regulations as the organiser for Pussycat Dolls was fined by the local council (at the suburb area where the concert was held) for flouting decency laws. Will Pussycat Dolls come again?
Tags: Beyonce, Beyonce-Concert, Entertainment, Music, Gwen Stefani, Pussycat Dolls, Black Eye Peas

Datuknametoolongitis Syndrome

You have to read this posting which I picked up from an email. The original author should be residing in Sarawak, Malaysia. If you knew who the original author is, please let me know.

For easy understanding in the article below, a Datuk is a title bestowed by the Sultans / State Governments.
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I suffer from an incurable disease. Its called Datuknametoolongitis.

Datuknametoolongitis is typically characterised by the sufferer's inability to remember people's names in full, especially that of the Datuks. At best the sufferer can absorb the first three syllables of the name. Anything after that becomes pure gibberish.

Jalan Datuk what-what-what?

Kuching, my hometown, is a city that discriminates victims of Datuknametoolongitis, like me. I'm saying that because 70% of the roads here are named after famous people, most of whom are Datuks, some of whom have unfortunately very very long names.

Many years ago I remember studying at a Chinese Primary School along Pineapple Road, not too far from Palm Road. I remember a Jalan Keretapi (Train Road) near Wisma Saberkas.

There's even a oddly named Jalan Central Barat (Central West Road) , which is a strange fusion of Malay and English words.

Jalan Rambutan. One of the few old road that retained its name. No, there's no Jalan Coconuts.

I then travelled to Perth Australia where I stayed for eight years growing accustomed to road names like Hay Street where I do my shopping, and James Street where there's good bubble tea, great coffee and fantastic pubs at night. The longest road name I've came across is probably Sir Charles Court Promenade, which is more of a walkway on campus than a road.

And then I return to Kuching. And I experienced reverse culture shock.

There are some changes with Kuching that I can put up with. Then there are some that I cannot. One road, two names. One new, one old. Kinda defeats the purpose of changing its name isn't it?

Gone was Jalan Central Barat, its now Jalan Tan Sri Ong Kee Hui . Gone were Palm Road and Jalan Keretapi, its now Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce.

I have nothing against their names. I don't even know who the heck they are. But I'm sure at one point or another probably they did something so magnificient the city council decided to name a road after them. Then another. And another And one more. Then another...

As if remembering long and complicated names wasn't difficult enough for sufferers of Datuknametoolongitis like me, I was further punished by having to differentiate between two almost similar road names. Two roads, similar names. But the difference is day and night.

Its not that I didn't try remembering the names. Believe me, I tried. Its very difficult to know the names by heart. One trick I find very useful is to associate the road name with food.

Doing so helps me remember long road names, but makes me hungry very easily.

It's too bad some road names are a bit too long for me to use that trick.

Umm... Jalan Murtabak?

Then they start naming the roundabouts after these famous people.

Try reading them double fast without pausing.
How bad can this get? I thought those were the worst, I have no idea.

Until I came face to face... with The Mother of All Long Roundabout Names.

Its not true what they said about Sarawakians living on trees you know. That's not what we're famous for.

We're famous for giving road directions to tourists.

Imagine the following scenario:-
Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"

Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim , turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip . Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha . Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg , then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho . Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh , where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim .

The library is just on your left. Any questions?"

Angmoh tourist: "Huh?"
Tags: Kuching, Sarawak, Road Names, Datuk, Roundabout

Terrorist List

A Terrorist List has been compiled by the Government Accountablity Office of USA. Go and check it out whether your name has been mentioned.

When we were in Sudan for our work assignment, we did mention that we could be banned from entering USA seeing those Sudan (being sanctioned by USA) immigration stamps in our passport. The USA embassy in Malaysia will require all expired passports and request you to list down places visited for the last 10 years before approving your visa application. And this list could be used to review people applying for their visas.

The Terrorist List's purpose is to assist the relevant authorities on the following:-
* check persons seeking visas
* travellers entering or leaving the country
* domestic airline passengers and persons stopped by state, local or federal law enforcement.

The listing itself grew tremendously i.e. from 158,734 names in June 2004 to 754,960 names by May 2007. It did worry the Homeland Security of USA on the huge increase. How are they to monitor that number of people?

If you found your name listed errorneously, you could write in to get your name off it.

Just make sure that your name won't be listed in the FBI's most wanted terrorists....hehehe
Tags: Government Accountability Office, United States of America, USA, Terrorist, Homeland Security, Federal Bureau Investigation, FBI

Most Expensive Game Boy

World's most expensive Game Boy gadget has been made available now. And this limited edition has loaded the Mario Brothers classic.

The uniqueness of this edition is that it's made of 18k gold with pave diamonds being part of the casing as well. It weighs 27 ounces.

The price - £12,500… you wouldn't want to press hard on those buttons then even though your game character is dying anytime.
Tags: Game Boy, Mario Brothers, Most Expensive Game Boy

Hardest Chinese Characters

I have been made known that I'm a banana man due to me being a chinese but yet do not know how to read / write chinese characters. Though I knew those really simple ones, it wouldn't have helped. Can't blame me as from young, my dad spoke to me in english language and I was sent to a malay language school all the way (in primary and secondary).

When I came across this ranking of the hardest chinese characters, I almost fainted by the number of complicated strokes just for a single character:-

"Exorcism""Noodle"
"Oneness"

Tags: Hardest Chinese Characters, Chinese Words, Hardest, Banana Man