Designated Decoy

Based on a true story -

Recently, a routine police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub.

Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles.

The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night).

Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station as this breathalyser equipment must be broken.."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".
Tags: Designated Decoy, Police Officer, Patrol Car, Breathalyser Test

Who Invented English Language?

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

And if people from Poland are called Poles
then people from Holland should be Holes
and the Germans, Germs
Tags: English Language, Crazy Language, Germans, Poles, Plural, Pronouns

20,000 At Underworld Boss' Funeral

Taiwan big underworld boss from the Big Lake gang, Lee Chao-Hsiung, passed away and other underworld gangs will be making their ways to pay a last respect.

The entourage bringing his hearse to the funeral ceremony area was led by 12 outriders. Mind you, they are just his gang members, not the police force.

Being an underworld boss in Taiwan, you are given the right to have the road to yourself even after death.

Morale of the story - when you intend to thread into the underworld make sure you make it really big, that is to aim for the position of the triad leader. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

At the ceremony, the crowd built up and police force has to ensure security there. Now, you wouldn't want a big clash with all underworld bosses appearing at the same place same time.

Not only that it has drawn my attention, it has drawn the attention of international press agencies like the Agence France-Presse and those from Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore, China, Philippines, Malta, France, USA, South Africa

Ironically, he died on 11 March 2010 and his funeral will be on 26 April 2010. The enbalming master must really preserve his body.

The Organising Committee has issued rules and regulations:-
* Each gang can only bring 300 of his/her gang members to attend;
* No persons under 18 years of age allowed to attend (yeah, unless accompanied by a parent due to its violence influence)
* If exceed 300 members, gangs are to present their best members (e.g. 180cm or taller, identical black suits and ties, etc)

Who's who? Many will be attending his funeral ceremony including Taiwanese senior politicians. Under his protection?

But I like the who's who in the Organising Committee better -
1) Assistant to a Legislator
2) Parliament speaker
3) Chief secretary to the President

Japanese leading Yakuza gang, the Yamaguchi-gumi, will be sending their representatives.

Any news from the Italian's leading mafia gang?

Police issued this ultimatum - "No mobilization; no associating; no gang identification."

For such a news, how can it not be published in Mafia Today, the main website reference for all mafias.

Taiwan press are currently presenting his good side (maybe forced to do so) -
1) donations (by his son) up to NT$60 million for thee disabled people and low-income families as well as four major religious organisations
2) known for helping to negotiate the release of a number of kidnapped politicians and businessmen, including the Taichung city council speaker (must be some kind of Godfather who's able to command such a release)
Tags: Lee Chao-Hsiung, Taiwan Mafia Boss, Mafia Boss, Triad Leader, Godfather, Crime Lord, Gangster, Gang Leader, Big Lake Gang

Half Revealed World Bank Report

The NST newspaper published an article on World Bank's forecast on Malaysia's potential growth.

Highlighted in bold that Malaysia may achieve a growth forecast of up to 5.7%.

After reading through the article, I found that all were very positive indeed and the economy is on the rise.

Seeing that the mainstream media are being controlled by the existing government (directly or indirectly), I checked further (my usual style on confirming stuff).

True enough that Malaysia could go all the way but it was subjected to a number of conditions. The article talks about end results only but was mum on how to achieve the potential growth of 5.7%.

The writer who's from World Bank, Philip Schellekens, has written more stuff and three main conditions have to be achieved prior to Malaysia hitting a good economy:-

High-income economy - Growth to date has been driven primarily by greater quantities of capital and labor. To break the glass ceiling between middle and high income, growth will need to be based on innovation with greater emphasis on the quality of capital and labor as well as the efficiency with which these are combined in production. Structural reforms, as argued in the report, will be essential to unleash Malaysia’s innovation potential and achieve the high-income objective.

Inclusive growth - Affirmative action is an essential policy instrument in many countries around the world and can be designed and implemented in ways that are conducive to growth. Pro-growth affirmative action requires a refocusing on needs so that the errors of inclusion and exclusion are minimized. More broadly, structural reforms that boost growth and enlarge the pie of national income make it easier to meet distributional challenges which remain significant. Poverty in Malaysia is four times higher than in Korea and Singapore, and inequality remains high at levels comparable with Indonesia and Vietnam.

Government debt sustainability - Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures and governments around the world expanded their balance sheets. The experience in Malaysia has not been different. Structural reforms, however, will be essential to ensure that the growth momentum is sustained and the debt level is gradually reduced. Slippages on the structural reform implementation front could be costly and cause the debt to rise relative to national income, which in turn would require additional fiscal consolidation. Structural reform thus matters not only for growth but also for debt sustainability.

More details are found here.

Unless most of the above are achieved / imposed / implemented strictly, the New Economic Model (NEM) is just a talk talk thingy again.

Maybe there isn't sufficient space in the newspaper print to publish such a long article but readers were not directed to read more elsewhere.
Tags: World Bank, Philip Schellekens, New Economic Model, NEM

Politicians' Mouth

Really a good laugh when you see cabinet ministers opening their mouth.

A renowned lady pathologist from Thailand, who was supposed to be back in Malaysia for being a witness in a court hearing, told the press that she's not coming back to Malaysia to give further testimony fearing for her life.

Opposition politicians quickly jumped up and blame the present government that they can't even protect a lady and wants to know why she feared for her life.

Then a minister said she's a liar.

Next, the opposition politicians said that this minister can be brought to court for sub judice.

The minister quickly responded by saying that she is afraid to come because she can't justify what she has testified earlier.

A state government who actually appointed her confirmed that she's not coming due to safety.

Another came up to guarantee her safety and re-assured her that she can testify.

With this assurance, the Thai witness suddenly availed herself.

It shocked both the ministers now.

The first minister then asked what sort of threats that made her changed her mind in the first place. He wants the proof also.

The second minister is now saying how to guarantee your safety when you can't even pin point the what where why how on her earlier concerns.

In other words, the guarantee is not guaranteed.

When you propose a protection guarantee, you are supposed to guarantee from top of the head right down to the toe and from all sorts of threats.

Imagine the when prime minister was to request for special police force protection and the police asked "what sort of threats do you want us to protect you from?".

What if the prime minister was to say "just protect me". Will the police say "since you can't identify your worries / concerns, we are unable to protect you any longer".

It's crazy, isn't it?
Tags: Thai Witness, Pathologist, Cabinet Ministers, Opposition Politicians

Pay More To Drive Into Kuala Lumpur

This is only applicable those Kuala Lumpur ("KL") working folks and especially if you drive to work.

The Land Public Transport Bill 2010 will introduce the "area congestion pricing scheme". It's something like the pay as you drive hehe but it's not going to be a laughing matter when it's implemented.

Firstly, most KL working folks are forced to take those tolled roads coming into KL city centre. Why forced? Because the government didn't build those roads but allowed the private sectors to take over. A friend of mine will always say "you pay toll to get into a traffic jam at a faster rate".

This so called Land Public Transport Bill 2010 will come under the purview of a new division, the Land Public Transport Commission / Suruhanjaya Pengangkutan Awam Darat (also known as SPAD in short).

I like the way the government is trying to justify this new pricing scheme, not new as they tried to moot this before but under a different name only, by saying that Singapore and London have similar schemes and if they can, Malaysia Boleh also.

But the numskulls didn't compare other factors such as the good transportation system at those two places. In Singapore, even if you see the bus that you need to board leaving the bus stop/station, you need not worry as the next bus will come along the way within the next five minutes. In Malaysia, you have the faintest idea of when the next bus will come.

Singapore's MRT and London's Tube do not breakdown as often as KL's LRT.

KL tried to allocate a bus/taxi lane on certain roads for the public transportation to travel at a faster rate but many private cars used it at the same time. No enforcement here.

Friends coming from faraway places like Shah Alam, Klang, Kajang, Seremban complained that the buses or trains are sooooooooo congested and irregular timing/schedule really pissed them off.

Government tried to encourage the car pooling idea. I have a colleague working in the same group of companies in the same building. Our job demands are quite different and if one party was to work late, what about the other person. What if you need to go off urgently during mid day due to personal reason?

How do you expect people not to drive into KL then?

Give us the reasons, not one, but many reasons to leave our cars behind.

It has been mentioned many many times that the public transportation has to improve at a sky high rate otherwise any ideas/schemes to charge (penalise lah in a way) cars being driven into the city centre is incomprehensible.

The government did mention that by reducing the subsidy for petrol prices will not only cause the petrol prices to rise up but the money saved will be pumped into improving the public transportation. Who said this? It was the previous prime minister. Has the money been spent on improving then?

Or it was used to buy dozens of non-functioning buses that were then left to rot away in the end? (referring to two articles found in Bernama and Malaysia Today)

I'm not against the new scheme but please show me that the public transportation is worthed my time travelling in it.

And if you KL working folks are going to keep quiet from today onwards, you have disqualified yourself from complaining when the scheme is finally implemented in due course.

When will you know about how much you would need to pay if bill's approved? Bill will be tabled next Monday!
Tags: Land Public Transport Bill 2010, Area Congestion Pricing Scheme, Land Public Transport Commission, SPAD, Pay As You Drive, MRT, Tube, LRT, Public Transportation, Suruhanjaya Pengangkutan Awam Darat

Resolve A Problem By Raising Prices Beyond Everyone's Reach

The Terengganu state government is really giving me a good laugh. Really need such laugh during this intense period LOL!

What did they do this time?

If you like Pulau Redang off Terengganu's coast, I would strongly suggest that you book yourself a trip there to see whatever, do whatever, enjoy whatever you can. Reason - in due course I can almost guarantee that 90% won't be going there again.

Not that you can't go but you would have to fork out tons of cash in order to be there.

The state Chief Minister has planned to allow only 5 stars and above type of hotels or resorts to be built in the future. That also the room rates could be in the region of US$500 per night.

Why would he want to do that? Reasons given:-
a) save the surrounding rich marine life and prevent environmental destruction due to pollution and indiscriminate littering
b) budget accommodation places on the island have no proper sewage system and waste is directed to the sea, and this destroys the corals
c) save the island from deteriorating environmentally
d) initiated out of concern for the environment as damage to the corals had been extensive.

He could be right there because an estimated 100,000 holidaymakers would travel there in a year.

What about the existing budget hotels that are still operating there? Kick them out of the island? Other businesses that are operating on the island which can't sell high end products should pack up too.

How many could afford a US$500 hotel room? Maybe only 1,000 out of the 100,000. A colleague said that it's good to raise the hotel rates because only the older folks are usually more well off and they may not be divers at that age. So the corals are saved.

By the way, the Chief Minister has some options for you. Please go to Pulau Kapas and Pulau Perhentian instead if you can't afford Pulau Redang in the future. The 99,000 (assuming 1,000 will be holidaying in Pulau Redang) are given the green light to destroy both Pulau Kapas and Pulau Perhentian, if I did the catch his phrase correctly.

But then, ain't introducing awareness and proper education on protecting the environment is a better option. Maybe more social responsibility programmes should be initiated on Pulau Redang itself.

The Chow Kit area in Kuala Lumpur city area should be cleaned up too. I got an idea now. Get the city council to buy the same idea as in by raising the property assessment beyond a human's comprehension, only allow high end type properties to be built, only allow niche products to be marketed there and I'm sure Chow Kit's tardiness would be solved.

Malaysia Boleh again!

Reading: Pulau Redang aims to lure the rich with room rates no less than RM1,600 - Star
Tags: Pulau Redang, Travel, Holidaymakers, Divers, Social Responsibility, Pulau Kapas, Pulau Perhentian, Terengganu