New Office Policy

Dress Code:-
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:-
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:-
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:-
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:-
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:-
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Tags: Office Policy, Dress Code, Sick Days, Personal Days, Bereavement Leave, Bathroom Breaks, Lunch Break, Funny, Humour, Jokes

Rationing of Cooking Oil in Malaysia

Just in case you didn't know, Malaysia being the world's number palm oil producer has to resort to a rationing of cooking oil effective from 7 Jan 08. What a way to start the new year.

What cooking oil?
* The one that you would use to cook your food. That's the one.

How much are you allowed to buy during the rationing period?
* Each buyer is allowed to purchase only 5kg.

Reason for such rationing?
* To curb a shortage blamed on smuggling and panic-buying triggered by price-hike rumours.

Who will be affected the most?
* Restaurants, food stall operators and vendors.

I guess normal consumers like me won't be affected much as my family seldom cook at home. But the rationing of restricting people to only 5kg purchase is ridiculous. I could send my whole family entourage of 10 persons and I would have 50kg at one go. Do it a few rounds in few other supermarkets in a day I would be able to buy up the stocks in the city. The same would be thought of by the restaurant owners and food stall operators. They will send their staff to buy.

So, what buying restriction is the government talking about then? Are they going to check your identity card or any form of identifications (not from same work place) to ensure that you guys are not buying in bulk? Ministry of Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs - please enlighten us.

The government may not be telling the truth on the cause of shortage. It was understood that cooking oil producers are not producing that many due to increase in cost of production. And as the cooking oil is a price controlled item, meaning the government sets the selling price, the cooking oil producer reduced the number of output and thus the shortage being experienced now.

The rationing will stop when the cooking oil supply is back to normal. How does it work? Increase the price of cooking oil??????
Tags: Cooking Oil, Rationing of Cooking Oil, Malaysia, Palm Oil, Ministry of Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs

Chance to be Pakistan Prime Minister

On 11 December 2007, an english tv channel in Pakistan, Dawn News TV, came up with a reality tv show called the 'Enter the Prime Minister' that will pit Pakistani people against one another to select a winner. The mechanism is just like the American Idol reality tv show.

The most co-incidental thing about this reality tv show - its premier show was supposed to be on 27 December 2007. And that was the day when Benazir Bhutto was killed.

Does the owner of the tv station has any sixth sense that that was the day that a new prime minister was required?

The reality tv show was supposed to be a fast track show in order to find a so-called candidate in time for the prime minister election scheduled to be held on 8 January 2008 (now postposed to Feb 08).

Besides being selected as the right candidate to stand as a prime minister for the nation, this reality tv show's winner will get two return tickets to Washington D.C.

Reading: Who wants to be prime minister? Try Pakistani reality TV - Christian Science Monitor
Tags: Pakistan, Pakistan Prime Minister, Enter The Prime Minister, Reality TV Show, Benazir Bhutto, Dawn News TV

Teambuilding Session

Went for my office teambuilding session held at Hotel Nikko this afternoon and found it interesting. As usual, colleagues in the same department tend to sit together but the organiser split us and requested us to move to another table that we won't know most of the people. He did notice those who continued to stick together even after moving tables.....haha.

It started with some simple introduction by different companies/departments. Then moved on to some questionnaire session and then followed by some games. Few were on IQ questions, really tested our brains. Can't guess the answers at all.......hehe

Another teambuilding game was to build a free standing tower (however you want to call it). My table was given only 125 A4 size papers, 100 staple bullets with a stapler and 6 inches of cellophane tape. Given 40 minutes to build/construct a paper tower. My team has 2 engineers and we waited for them to do some calculations with the materials that we have......see how serious these engineers were.

We started rolling the papers, stapled it on one side, put 6 rolled papers at the bottom to begin with. Just when it reach about 6 feet, it dropped all the way down. We still have 15 minutes and rebuilt it with a bigger base this time. What was the outcome?


This was my team's tower but we didn't win. Lost to another team's so-called Kuala Lumpur Eiffel Tower (yeah, the shape of the eiffel tower). After the tower building, it was hi-tea time, my favourite. Good selection of food and after consuming, I think it was a bit too much as I was going to have dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday at night......oops!

Never mind, left around 7.45pm and dropped by at a restaurant and ate a simple Singaporean Fried Mee Hoon just to fill my stomach, in case it goes hungry during midnight time, like right now.
Tags: Teambuilding, Hotel Nikko, Free Standing Tower, Singapore Fried Mee Hoon

Why Is It Not ‘New Year Eve’?

Why New Year’s Eve and not New Year Eve, when it is Christmas Eve and not Christmas’s Eve? There must be other comparative examples.
– I. Ho

I really have no idea why! The answer must lie in traditional usage. Indeed there are other examples of the use of the apostrophe ‘s’ after some words, but not after other seemingly similar words. Here are some of them:-

We can say “a summer’s day” as well as “a summer day” and we can say “a winter’s day” as well as “a winter day”, but we can’t say “a spring’s day” or “an autumn’s day” – always “a spring day” or “an autumn day.

But, we always say “Midsummer Day” without the apostrophe ‘s’. “Day”, in all the above cases, can be substituted by eve, morning, afternoon, evening and night.

As for other festival days, religious or secular, it is Easter Day (or Easter Sunday), May Day, but St Patrick’s Day, St Valentine’s Day, and April Fool’s Day.

The general rule about using apostrophe ‘s’ to indicate possession is that we use it only for animate beings and phrases closely associated with animate beings like “Malaysia’s inhabitants” but not “Malaysia’s roads”. So I can understand the reason for “St Patrick’s Day” and “St Valentine’s Day”: but how can “summer” and “winter” be considered animate when “spring” and “autumn” are not?

We may be dealing with some of the many exceptions to the rule!

By Fadzilah Amin
Mind Our English, Star
Tags: English Language, Mind Our English, Weird

Anything Could Be Outsourced to India

India is known for their cheap labour plus they have lots of people that are highly skilled in the computer technology sector. Hence, lots of call centres for software/hardware/information technology businesses from throughout the world are based in India. India is known as the outsourcing king in the world.

Besides the hi-tech sector, a city in India is gaining fame for outsourcing in the health sector. In the city of Anand in India, there is this Akanksha Infertility & IVF Clinic based at Kaival Hospital where it's known for a unique service - outsourcing of pregnancies.

Their mode of operation - will match a lady in Anand city with an infertile couple which could come from United States, Taiwan, Britain and local Indians. The surrogate mother will then be cared for by a team of maids, cooks and doctors during pregnancy and delivery. Post-natal counselling would be provided too. The cost - US$20,000.

Commercial surrogacy (also known as 'wombs for rent'), the jargon for such business, has opened an avenue for the ladies in Anand to earn an income where it will take 15 years for an average lady in Anand. Nowadays, the list of future surrogate mothers are neverending.

What will other countries outsource to India in time to come?
Reading: Pregnancy becomes latest job outsourced to India - USA Today

Tags: Akanksha Infertility & IVF Clinic, Kaival Hospital, IVF, Infertility, In-Vitro Fertilization, India, Anand, Outsourcing King, Outsourced Pregnancies, Surrogate Mother, Commercial Surrogacy, Wombs For Rent

Banished English Words

A university in USA, Lake Superior State University, has banished a number of words that have been nominated by people from all over the world. Reasons for banishing such words:-

* Overused
* Non-word trying to worm its way into the English language
* Misused
* Out of context
* Youth lingo overuse
* Pointless phrase

Some of the words being banished:-
-PERFECT STORM
-WEBINAR
-WATERBOARDING
-ORGANIC
-WORDSMITH/WORDSMITHING
-AUTHOR/AUTHORED
-POST 9/11
-SURGE
-GIVE BACK
-BLACK FRIDAY
-BACK IN THE DAY
-RANDOM
-SWEET
-DECIMATE
-EMOTIONAL
-POP
-IT IS WHAT IT IS
-UNDER THE BUS

If you have any words that ought to be in the same list (or it was hard for you to spell it, remember the meaning of it, etc.) you can nominate/submit it to http://www.lssu.edu/banished/submit_word.php
Tags: Lake Superior State University, Banished Words, English Language