Letter from My Wife...

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

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Tags: Tragedy, Funny, Humour, Accident

Malaysia Tour Game Called Off

Manchester United regrets to announce that it has not been possible to resolve the difficulties over the proposed game in Malaysia on 27 July.

The Club was honoured to be invited by the Malaysian Government to play in the game to mark the country's 50 years of independence and regrets the fact that it will not be able to play in front of thousands of its fans in the country. The Club is currently considering a number of options and will make an announcement as quickly as possible on any alternative arrangements.

David Gill, Chief Executive, said: "It is very frustrating that the Club was not previously aware of the legally binding contract between the Asian Football Confederation and the Football Association of Malaysia preventing such games in July." The Club believed that all the relevant permissions for the match had been secured some months ago.

Manchester United has no desire to go against the wishes of the world governing body, FIFA, and as a result, reluctantly has to withdraw from the fixture. "I have written to Ministers and the Crown Prince to express our disappointment. I hope that the strong relationship that has been established between the Club and the Malaysian Government and people will continue and that we will be able to return in more agreeable circumstances in the future."

Tags: Manchester United, Man Utd, Asia Tour 2007, Football, David Gill, AFC, FAM, FIFA

Free Cocaine / Marijuana

By reading that title, don't be shocked thinking that I became a drug pusher. Was also thinking just now, if I blogged about this will I be construed as promoting it. nah..........continue reading....

You can't find those drugs here anyway but faraway. For your safety, if you have booked for a holiday going to Rome, Taranto (both in Italy) or Algiers (capital city of Algeria), please re-consider changing your venue.

Italy's National Research Council or in italian, Consiglio Nazionale delle Ricerche ("CNR") has done a research at the 3 mentioned cities and found that Rome's atmosphere has a cocaine presence of approximately 0.1 nanogramme (1 nanogramme is one billionth of a gramme) per cubic metre during winter months. On long term basis, it's bad for public health. How come this could happen?

CNR has played down the people's assumption that the 3 cities have a high rate of drugs intake. Then it must be those Mafia fellas who has polluted those 3 cities with their drugs being sold/distributed widely there.........no need to buy now, free sniffing........
Tags: Rome, Taranto, Algiers, Cocaine, Marijuana, Caffeine, Tobacco, Nanogramme, National Research Council, Consiglio Nazionale delle Ricerche, CNR, Mafia, Health

Please Come Back Next Week

No no no, it's not that I'm going somewhere and that I'm telling you blog readers to come back to my blog next week..........

It's just that a customer at a pharmacy shop was told to come back next week to obtain his medical prescriptions. No stocks???

Customer: Sir, I have been here last week and you told me to come this week to collect my medicines.

Pharmacy owner: I know that Sir, it's not that I don't want to give to you.

Customer: Then what's the problem? In the first place, do you have stocks in your shop?

Pharmacy owner: Oh, yes we do! Lots of them. You can see it for yourself. You must understand Sir, I have only 1 staff who is helping me out. My staff is now looking for the medicine for the person standing on your right. He has been here for the last 2 weeks.

(Customer fainted upon seeing how the pharmacy shop has stored its products ..................)
Tags: Pharmacy, Medicine, Customer, Funny, Humour

Illegal Investment Schemes

The Securities Commission has said it again - they will work together with Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) and CyberSecurity Malaysia to block access to those illegal investment schemes as those listed in their website, which I have blogged about on 17 May 2007.

The arrangement to block such access will be effected on 11 June 2007 giving much ample time and chances to Malaysian investors who have invested in such schemes to pull out / sell / dispose of by then. That's exactly 10 days away only. And if those investment schemes knew that the government was effecting such steps, surely those investment schemes will start delaying the returns of your investments/capital/profits.

Only way to continue your investment (if you still want it) is to travel to neighbouring countries to have access to those websites. By that time, your travelling costs would have taken up your profits too.

One person said that investors in either the approved or illegal investment schemes in Malaysia would know their exposure to whatever risks if they wanted to participate and it should be up to the investors to decide instead. Well, there are laws to be followed and I'm very sure that the investors didn't expect this risk - government intervention in blocking internet access to such illegal investment schemes.

If investors are left alone without any investment laws then it would be the same as drivers who learnt driving on their own (where drivers are not compelled to take licences/lessons) will decide to drive on major roads. I'm sure the drivers knew what sort of danger they are exposing themselves/others to but they are taking that risk. Owing to this, road transport act has to be enacted.
Tags: Securities Commission, Illegal Investment Schemes, Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission, MCMC, CyberSecurity Malaysia

Comprehension - My Family

This is a malay language comprehension homework passed up to the class teacher. The humourous side is best read in its original written language.


Translated version:
My Family
Everyone in this world has a family. The word Keluarga is family in white skinned people's language. Family has father, mother, elder brother, elder sister, younger siblings, grandma, grandad, uncle, auntie and etc etc.

For the first time I would like to tell everyone in this world that having a peaceful family and doesn't go to war but there are also some that has no peace because having war.

I would like to tell a story about my family. I have a mother and a father but my mother had said she has slept with 3 other men in hotel hence it's confirmed that I was born out of wedlock as my blood group is different from my father who is in this house. My dad doesn't care when my mother went out with another guy.

Elder sister and brother do not go to school anymore because they have stopped. My elder sister is beautiful with a similar face of Marilyn Monroe who is dead. She died because knocked into grandad's car which has an engine capacity of 500cc. (teacher put a remark that this para was out of topic)

My elder brother is handsome or smart like Amitabh Bachan or Sunjay Dutt, sometimes his face changed to Aacapan when he woke up from his sleep. When he finished bathing, his face would be himself. That's my elder brother's advantageous.

Further to this, I would like to talk about my younger siblings. Even though I do not have younger siblings but I bluffed you saying that I have younger siblings.

That's all for now about my family a happy one even though not. Regards.

Yours sincerely:-
Bob
Tags: Education, Malay Language, Comprehension, Karangan, Funny, Humour, My Family

Women's Decisions

男人最怕的三个答案 (Three answers most scared by men)

（1）随 便 (Whatever)
男：今天 晚上咱们吃什么？ Man: What to have for dinner?
女：随便。 Woman: Whatever..
男：吃火锅吧。Man: Why not we have steamboat?
女：不行，吃火锅脸上要长痘痘。Woman: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
男：要不咱们吃川菜。Man: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
女：昨天刚吃的川菜，今天又吃....... Woman: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
男：那咱们吃海鲜去？ Man: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
女：海鲜不好，吃了拉肚子。Woman: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhoea
男：那你说吃什么？ Man: Then what you suggest?
女：随便。Woman: Whatever..

(2）都行 (Anything)
男：那咱们现在到底做什么？ Man: So what should we do now?
女：都行。Woman: Anything
男：看电影怎么样？很久没看电影了。Man: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
女：电影有啥好看的，耽误时间。Woman: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
男：那打保龄球，运动运动？ Man: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
女：大热天的运什么动啊，不嫌累啊？ Woman: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tired meh?男：那找个咖啡店坐坐，喝点水。Man: Then find a café and have drink
女：喝咖啡影响睡眠。Woman: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
男：那你说干什么？ Man: Then what you suggest?
女：都行！ Woman: Anything

（3）看你 (You decide)
男：那咱们干脆回家好了。 Man: Then we just go home lo
女：看你。Woman: You decide
男：坐公车吧，我送你。 Man: Let take bus, I will accompany you
女：公车又脏又挤，算了吧。Woman: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
男：那就打车走。Man: Ok we will take taxi
女：这么近的路不划算。 Woman: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
男：那走路好了，散散步？ Man: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
女：空着肚子散哪门子步啊？ Woman: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
男：那你想怎么着啊？ Man: Then what you suggest?
女：看你。Woman: You decide
男：那就先吃饭？ Man: Let's have dinner first
女：随便。Woman: Whatever...
男：吃什么？ Man: Eat what?
女：都行 Woman: Anything
（看看四下无人，杀了她......） (Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

I seem to be getting lots of jokes on women........
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Man, Woman, Broken English