Flat-fooded

A man returns from Africa and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings.

“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”

“Oh my gosh” cried the man, “What are you going to do, doctor?”

“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”

“Will that cure me?” asked the man.

The doctor replied, “Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Doctor, Africa, Virus

Peeping Tom - Part I

When I read the article entitled Peeping Tom Beaten Up in the Star newspaper, it recalled the same scenario at my condo 3 years back.

From my condo (a corner unit), I could see the next block's emergency side staircase. For a few times, I did notice a guy standing at the staircase during night time and could see him staring into the condo unit from the staircase. He would then stare at the open space and stare back at the unit. Now what was he staring at? Due to the weird design of the condo unit, a person could see the common toilet from the emergency staircase. As I'm tall you could see my shoulder area during my shower but for a shorter person you may see the head only.

After ensuring that he was a peeping tom due to his frequency at that spot, I informed few of my neighbours on my floor. My opposite neighbour would also try to catch his misdeeds from his angle. On one fine night, I so happened noticed that he just stepped into his common place. I informed the rest of the neighbouring guys and I grabbed a long steel pipe which I keep in my master bedroom's toilet.

Called 2 other guys from other floors and we met downstairs. We walked one big round exiting from the centre of our block, round the car park and into the lift area of the other block. There were 8 of us and we split into 2 groups. We knew he was at the 3rd/4th floor staircase area. One group came out of the lift at the 3rd floor and my group was at the 4th floor walking towards the staircase door. The moment we opened the door, we couldn't see him and we shouted to the 3rd floor's group who didn't see anyone too. Damn, he escaped!

Another time I saw him (needed to be on guard since he was quite frequent) walking towards our condo block. Informed the rest of the gang and the security too. 2 security guys joined us and we tried tried to corner this peeping tom. Somehow, a neighbour, who was quite desperate to nail this guy walked out to the car park to have a better view at the staircase area. Unfortunately and fortunately, they saw each other. This neighbour was holding a golf club and sounded to one of the security guard who was our block 4th floor staircase. Upon noticing that we were hunting him down. He disappeared. We walked all over the place and guarded around but he was nowhere to be seen.

(to be cont'd.......)
Tags: Peeping Tom, Condo

Two Hunters from Michigan

Even I had Major Disaster and Another Disaster lately, it can't be compared to the one as below:-

This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan.

A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.

Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now.

The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.

----BOOM!----

Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!

And you thought your day was not going well?
Tags: Michigan, Lincoln Navigator, Duck Hunting, Duck, Black Labrador, Dynamite, Rocket Scientists, Shotgun, Buckshot, Insurance Company

Bananas Used to Solve Crime in India

Now how could bananas be used as a tool to solve a crime.

In Calcutta, a thief snatched a necklace and tried to run away but was caught by the police. After some questioning he admitted swallowing it. Shit!!!!! Precisely, he has to shit it out then to obtain the evidence.

Now how to do it? Yes, bananas were ordered. Few combs of it. I like to eat bananas too but not a comb of it. And when I knew that constipation could be a problem, bananas would be the right cure for it.

After making sure the necklace was in his stomach, the thief was stuffed with combs of bananas and should you pity him...... hehehe. Bananas were used as laxative to excrete the necklace but it didn't succeed. So how?

At the last resort, the police prepared a feast fit for a king but only rice, chicken and local bread were served......... now I pity him.....hehehe
Tags: Banana, Calcutta, India, Necklace, Laxative, Thief

Another Disaster

While driving back from office on Monday evening, the traffic was moving smoothly and I used the Smart Tunnel to avoid the jam along Jln Sungai Besi/Seremban Highway. It's very convenient to me as the exit will be near the ramp that links with the Federal Highway, on the way to Taman Danau Desa.

The moment I turned into my garden area and stopped at the traffic light, I could hear some loud hissing sound. What's that??!!??!!?

Next thing, I noticed that the temperature shot way past the midway dot. I knew I was in trouble this time. Off the aircond and pulled the car through and straight to the workshop just next to my condo.

Goodness, one of the main hose connecting the radiator/engine has busted. I could see water at almost every part of the bonnet area as I guessed the hissing sound was the sound of water gushing out of the hose. Walked back home (less than 5 mins walk) as the owner said he would get it done first thing tomorrow morning.

Really thank God that it only happened when I arrived in my garden area. Imagine if it happened in the Smart Tunnel. On the other hand, I would be able to test the Smart Tunnel's emergency response team if my car broke down inside there......hehehe
Tags: Sungai Besi, Seremban Highway, Radiator, Engine, Smart Tunnel

Malaysian Constitution

Raja Nazrin, the crown prince of the state of Perak in Malaysia has given a good speech during the First Student Leaders Summit 2007 held in Kuala Lumpur.

The main points in his speech are as follows:-
* Constitution clearly provided for adequate checks and balances against excesses through the separation of powers between the executive, legislative and judicial branches, with each protected from encroachment from each other

* Many a misunderstanding may be avoided if the principles embodied in the Constitution are adhered to strictly

* It’s also very important that we have leaders who are earnest in maintaining unity, never re-sorting to religious or ethnic posturing to further their political careers at the expense of peace and security

Will the politicians adhere to it????
You can read about our Malaysian Consitution in order to understand what are your rights which were agreed.
Tags: Raja Nazrin, Malaysian Constitution, Constitution, Rights, Malaysian Politics

Weird Restaurant Name

Was having my meal at Sri Petaling's KFC two weeks ago where I saw this restaurant located opposite the KFC with the name "Calorie"

Wondering what do they serve...... food with full lots of calories???? Or what? With lesser calories then? Maybe it's the name of the lady owner.
Tags: KFC, Sri Petaling, Calorie, Restaurant