Tiger Woods Nike Driver

At dawn the telephone rings:
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your dog died.
"My dog? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that dog. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod"
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire"
"What the hell??.... Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle??!!!
"Yes Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house!!!
"What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE........ LONG SILENCE...............
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!
Tags: Tragedy, Tiger Woods Nike Driver, Thoroughbred, Rotten Meat

Ethiopia Celebrates the New Millenium

I thought it was bad enough in Sudan but somehow, Ethiopia beat them to it. Really backwards. Why? So, how do you expect them to think forward when their timing is out all the way. One of my colleague even quoted this "do they actually have a calender?".

Ethiopia is only celebrating the new millenium, Year 2000, today in their country. Main reason stated - owing to the use of the Coptic Orthodox Church calender. As they didn't celebrate the millenium 7 years ago, they are going to do it in great style today. The calculation in that calender is very confusing. Try reading it yourself here.

Out of respect, African leaders are attending the function. I wonder how will they greet/wish the Ethiopian leaders. Will you say "Happy Millenium" knowingly it's absurd?

As always the case, there will be some opposition to the government's plans. Some claimed that the money being used for the celebration should have been used wisely in developing better facilities or eradicate poverty. Can they beat Malaysia's estimated expenses of RM100.0 million (US$28.6 million) for the recent 50th Independence Day's celebration?
Tags: Ethiopia, Africa, New Millenium, Coptic Orthodox Church

Ninjas Caused Chaos in Congo

Just when the issue of a Ninja causing chaos at a Shaolin Temple has calmed down, another group of Ninjas has caused chaos in Brazzaville, capital city of Congo.

This group of Ninjas has even formed a political party in Congo.

But the leader, Pasteur Ntumi, was not a former Ninja martial arts exponent but a Congo rebel instead. They somehow chose the word "Ninja" to represent their group.

Pasteur Ntumi was supposed to take up the position of a Junior Minister responsible for Peace and Disarmament in the Congo government but unforeseen circumstances caused a detour for his trip. Pasteur Ntumi wanted to ride into the city with 300 of his bodyguards where initially only 30 of them were allowed. The citizens are now worried that Pasteur Ntumi may force himself into he city.
Tags: Congo, Brazzaville, Africa, Ninjas, Pasteur Ntumi, Rebel

Legal, but not Logical, Logical, but not Legal

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 25 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 18 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Tags: Legal, Logical, Professor

China Government Can Determine Reincarnation

The China government is very powerful lately. They can determine when and where you will reincarnate (if you are able to in the first place, of course).

And before you can reincarnate, you have to seek China government's permission first. This rule only applies to the Buddhist monks in Tibet.

One of the reason the China government is doing this because the Dalai Lama has stated that he will not reincarnate back in Tibet. He's living in exile in India since 1959. What a leader! Away from home but yet could control the monastery in Tibet. And what a leader too, live in peace and harmony, leaving the trouble to those back in Tibet. Depends on how you look at it.

But this Dalai Lama said he has decided not to reborn in China as long as Tibet is under the China's control. Wow, what superpower that Tibetans have claimed to have 600 years ago. Imagine, he chose to be reborn elsewhere and the China government decides to appoint another one to take his place in Tibet.

Surprisingly, Buddhism scholars believed that he could be reborn amongst the 130,000 Tibetan exiles spread throughout India, Europe and North America. Interesting fact.
Tags: Dalai Lama, Tibet, China, Reincarnation, Reborn, Buddhist Monk, Buddhism Scholar

In Russia - "I don't know" Has Been Banned

In Siberia of Russia, any mention of the phrase "I Don't Know" or "I Can't" will bring you real far .... i.e. far out of the corporation or organisation that you are working for.

The mayor of Megion in the Khanty-Mansiisk has set this ruling that whenever a government staff was caught saying those words, or they would be requested to look for another job.

Following words/phrases have been listed with the list being on the wall outside the mayor's office:-

"What can we do?" "It's not my job," "It's impossible," "I'm having lunch," "There is no money," and "I was away/sick/on vacation."

If the 'I Don't Know' ruling is imposed in Malaysia, lots of working folks from the private and government sectors could be sacked. Not a good policy as even the Malaysian Prime Minister could be implicated as well. Better keep this ruling out of Malaysia.

Reading: Russian mayor bans phrase 'I don't know' - Malaysia Today

Tags: Siberia, Russia, Megion, Khanty-Mansiisk, I Don't Know, I Can't

Ghost Talk

Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.
1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.
1st ghost : You're so pitiful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that b*****d is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the b*****d was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the b*****d in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!
Tags: Jokes, Funny, Humour, Ghost Talk